If only Dionysus were alive! Where would he eat?
-- Woody Allen
If only Dionysus were alive! Where would he eat?
-- Woody Allen
My brain is my second favorite organ.
-- Woody Allen
Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go,
it's one of the best.
-- Woody Allen
“Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.” (Woody Allen)
“I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.” (Woody Allen)
There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good
sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
-- Woody Allen
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep.
-- Woody Allen
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in
twenty minutes.
It's about Russia.
-- Woody Allen
You're always thinking you're gonna be the one that makes 'em act different.
-- Woody Allen, "Manhattan"
There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good
sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.
-- Woody Allen
You're always thinking you're gonna be the one that makes 'em act different.
-- Woody Allen, "Manhattan"
It's from Casablanca. I've been waiting all my life to use that line.
-- Woody Allen, "Play It Again, Sam"
“Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love.” (Woody Allen)
More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads. One path
leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction.
Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
-- Woody Allen, "Side Effects"
More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads. One
path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total
extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly.
-- Woody Allen
“My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.” (Woody Allen)
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
-- Woody Allen
“I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me and she said 'no.'” (Woody Allen)
“I'm a practicing heterosexual, but bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” (Woody Allen)
It's from Casablanca. I've been waiting all my life to use that line.
-- Woody Allen, "Play It Again, Sam"
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
-- Woody Allen, "Annie Hall"
Notes for a ballet, "The Spell": ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter of
wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ... Sigmund is
astounded to see that their leader is part swan and part woman --
unfortunately, divided lengthwise. She enchants Sigmund, who is careful
not to make any poultry jokes.
-- Woody Allen
“I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic.” (Woody Allen)
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept
better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
-- Woody Allen, "Side Effects"
“To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.”
-- Woody Allen
Notes for a ballet, "The Spell": ... Suddenly Sigmund hears
the flutter of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across
the moon ... Sigmund is astounded to see that their leader is
part swan and part woman --unfortunately, divided lengthwise.
She enchants Sigmund, who is careful not to make any poultry
jokes ...
-- Woody Allen
“Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.” (Woody Allen)
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf
won't get much sleep.
-- Woody Allen
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit
in my name at a Swiss bank.
-- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers"
Humorists always sit at the children's table.
-- Woody Allen