Microsoft recently released its new Windows 2000. What are some
of the features of the new operating system?
* Crashes up to 300 percent faster than Windows '98
* Comes with free webcam, which must be kept on at all times
* Fully Y2K compliant
* Special "cost" feature increases Bill Gates' wealth
* Lets you play exiting games like Minesweeper, Solitaire, and
Mindlessly-Add-Up-The-Numbers-40-Hours-A-Week
* New bathroom break scheduler
* Instructs computer to thunder, "I love you, organic master!"
at random intervals
* Conveniently forwards all e-mail to Redmond, WA
-- The Onion