simpsons cbg quotes

[Pulls out a phaser] Stop right there. I have here the only working phaser ever
built. It was fired only once, to keep William Shatner from making another album.

-- Comic Book Guy
Treehouse of Horror X: Desperately Xeeking Xena (Episode BABF01)

(Covered in Lucite)

(The Collector, slowly, strikes a dramatic pose)

Collector:
Lucite hardening ... must end life in classic Lorne Greene
pose from "Battlestar Galactica." Best ... death ... ever!

Treehouse of Horror X: Desperately Xeeking Xena (Episode BABF01)

Milhouse:
Excuse me. Do you have the Carl Yazstremski baseball card
from 1973, when he had big sideburns?

CBG: Show me the thirty bucks, 'cos if you ain't got it, I ain't
getting off the stool.

Three Men and a Comic Book (Episode 7F21)

Good night, Retch Dude and Slobber Girl. Sweet screams! (Begins to lower them
into the Lucite tank). (Turning to Lawless) Ha, ha, ha! I am unbelievably amused.
Soon those bratty buttinskis will be encased in Lucite for all eternity. While
we're waiting, here are some names you may call me on our wedding night: (Clears
throat) Obi Wan,Iron Man, Mr. Mxyzptlk, and of course, Big Papa Smurf.

--Comic Book Guy
Treehouse of Horror X: Desperately Xeeking Xena (Episode BABF01)

(Being interviewed by Kent Brockman)

The world has already taken note of our accomplishments, Springfield has
already moved up to 299 on the list of America's 300 most liveable cities.
(To camera) Take that East St. Louis!

--Comic Book Guy
They Saved Lisa's Brain (Episode AABF18)

(At the Mensa society meeting)

Lisa: Now next week is our "state of the city" address. Has
everyone finished their proposals.

CBG: Well first of all I've a plan to eliminate obesity in
women.

They Saved Lisa's Brain (Episode AABF18)

Tell you what. I'll show you something very special,if you
promise to put your grubby little hands behind your back and
keep them there.

--Comic Book Guy
Three Men and a Comic Book (Episode 7F21)

Bart: Who's gonna play Radioactive Man?

CBG: I will tell you in exactly seven minutes.

(He moves to his computer)

CBG: Okay, here we are, alt dot nerd dot obsessive. Need know
star RM pic.

Radioactive Man (Episode 2F17)