Q: What's the difference between a Mac and an Etch-a-Sketch?
A: You don't have to shake the Mac to clear the screen.
Q: What's the difference between a Mac and an Etch-a-Sketch?
A: You don't have to shake the Mac to clear the screen.
Q: What happens when four WASPs find themselves in the same room?
A: A dinner party.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Sam and Janet.
Sam and Janet who?
Sam and Janet Evening...
Q: What's the difference between USL and the Titanic?
A: The Titanic had a band.
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #21
A: Dr. Livingston I. Presume.
Q: What's Dr. Presume's full name?
Q: Why haven't you graduated yet?
A: Well, Dad, I could have finished years ago, but I wanted
my dissertation to rhyme.
Q: Minnesotans ask, "Why aren't there more pharmacists from Alabama?"
A: Easy. It's because they can't figure out how to get the little
bottles into the typewriter.
Q: What's a light-year?
A: One-third less calories than a regular year.
Q: Why do the police always travel in threes?
A: One to do the reading, one to do the writing, and the other keeps
an eye on the two intellectuals.
Q: Why did the lone ranger kill Tonto?
A: He found out what "kimosabe" really means.
Q: What's yellow, and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?
A: Zorn's Lemon.
Q: What is the difference between a duck?
A: One leg is both the same.
Q: What's the difference between a duck and an elephant?
A: You can't get down off an elephant.
Q: Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
A: To conform with departmental regulations concerning uniform dress.
Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe?
A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!
Addendum: Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but they
are removable!
Q: An English mathematician (I forgot who) was asked by his
very religious colleague: Do you believe in one God?
A: Yes, up to isomorphism!
Q: What is a compact city?
A: It's a city that can be guarded by finitely many near-sighted
policemen!
-- Peter Lax
Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb
itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective
reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a
maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
Q: Heard about the who couldn't spell?
A: He spent the night in a warehouse.
Q: How does the Polish Constitution differ from the American?
A: Under the Polish Constitution citizens are guaranteed freedom of
speech, but under the United States constitution they are
guaranteed freedom after speech.
-- being told in Poland, 1987
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has
to really want to change.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To see his friend Gregory peck.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.
Q: Are we not men?
A: We are Vaxen.
Q: How many IBM types does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifteen. One to do it, and fourteen to write document number
GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility,
of which 10% of the pages state only "This page intentionally
left blank", and 20% of the definitions are of the form "A:.....
consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks".
Q: Why do WASPs play golf ?
A: So they can dress like pimps.
Q: What's the difference betweeen USL and the Graf Zeppelin?
A: The Graf Zeppelin represented cutting edge technology for its time.
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead
lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #21
A: Dr. Livingston I. Presume.
Q: What's Dr. Presume's full name?
Q: What's the difference between Bell Labs and the Boy Scouts of America?
A: The Boy Scouts have adult supervision.
Q: Why do people who live near Niagara Falls have flat foreheads?
A: Because every morning they wake up thinking "What *is* that noise?
Oh, right, *of course*!
Q: Who cuts the grass on Walton's Mountain?
A: Lawn Boy.
Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out
of the way.