riddles quotes
Recent Love
Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has
to really want to change.
Q: How do you know when you're in the
A: The maple sap buckets are hanging on utility poles.
Q: How can you tell when a Burroughs salesman is lying?
A: When his lips move.
Q: What's the difference between Bell Labs and the Boy Scouts of America?
A: The Boy Scouts have adult supervision.
Q: Are we not men?
A: We are Vaxen.
Q: What's the difference between a Mac and an Etch-a-Sketch?
A: You don't have to shake the Mac to clear the screen.
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead
lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: How do you play religious roulette?
A: You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets
struck by lightning first.
Q: Do you know what the death rate around here is?
A: One per person.
Q: Heard about the
A: He spent the night in a warehouse.
Q: What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?
A: One less drunk.
Q: How many DEC repairman does it take to fix a flat?
A: Five; four to hold the car up and one to swap tires.
Q: How long does it take?
A: It's indeterminate.
It will depend upon how many flats they've brought with them.
Q: What happens if you've got TWO flats?
A: They replace your generator.
Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out
of the way.
Q: What's the contour integral around Western Europe?
A: Zero, because all the Poles are in Eastern Europe!
Addendum: Actually, there ARE some Poles in Western Europe, but they
are removable!
Q: An English mathematician (I forgot who) was asked by his
very religious colleague: Do you believe in one God?
A: Yes, up to isomorphism!
Q: What is a compact city?
A: It's a city that can be guarded by finitely many near-sighted
policemen!
-- Peter Lax
Q: What's the difference betweeen USL and the Graf Zeppelin?
A: The Graf Zeppelin represented cutting edge technology for its time.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Sam and Janet.
Sam and Janet who?
Sam and Janet Evening...
Q: Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
A: To conform with departmental regulations concerning uniform dress.
Q: Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
A: The cats keep trying to bury them.
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #13
A: Doc, Happy, Bashful, Dopey, Sneezy, Sleepy, & Grumpy
Q: Who were the Democratic presidential candidates?
Q: How many elephants can you fit in a VW Bug?
A: Four. Two in the front, two in the back.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant is in your refrigerator?
A: There's a footprint in the mayo.
Q: How can you tell if two elephants are in your refrigerator?
A: There's two footprints in the mayo.
Q: How can you tell if three elephants are in your refrigerator?
A: The door won't shut.
Q: How can you tell if four elephants are in your refrigerator?
A: There's a VW Bug in your driveway.