pratchett quotes

Rincewind is one of those people who gets in the way of his own happiness.
If it was raining kisses he'd be the only person with an umbrella.
(CIX Pratchett Conference)

"I said I hope it is a good party," said Galder, loudly.
"AT THE MOMENT IT IS," said Death levelly. "I THINK IT MIGHT GO
DOWNHILL VERY QUICKLY AT MIDNIGHT."
"Why?"
"THAT'S WHEN THEY THINK I'LL BE TAKING MY MASK OFF."
-- Terry Pratchett, "The Light Fantastic"

I reckon that Stonehege was build by the contemporary equivalent of
Microsoft, whereas Avebury was definitely an Apple circle.
(alt.fan.pratchett)

If you take the small view, the universe is just something small and round,
like those water-filled balls which produce a miniature snowstorm when you
shake them. Although, unless the ineffable plan is a lot more ineffable
than it's given credit for, it does not have a large plastic snowman at the
bottom.
-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)

Many people, meeting Aziraphale for the first time, formed three
impressions: that he was English, that he was intelligent, and that he was
gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide.
-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)

I think that sick people in Ankh-Morpork generally go to a vet. It's
generally a better bet. There's more pressure on a vet to get it right.
People say "it was god's will" when granny dies, but they get *angry* when
they lose a cow.
(alt.fan.pratchett)

His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools -- the Cynics, the
Stoics and the Epicureans -- and summed up all three of them in his famous
phrase, "You can't trust any bugger further than you can throw him, and
there's nothing you can do about it, so let's have a drink."
-- We meet Dydactylos the philosopher
(Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)

"Woof. In tones of low menace."
-- Gaspode the wonder dog
(Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)

It looked like the sort of book described in library catalogues as
"slightly foxed", although it would be more honest to admit that it looked
as though it had beed badgered, wolved and possibly beared as well.
-- Ah, but has it been hedgehogged?
(Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic)