I don't care how poor and inefficient a little country is; they like to
run their own business. I know men that would make my wife a better
husband than I am; but, darn it, I'm not going to give her to 'em.
-- The Best of Will Rogers
I don't care how poor and inefficient a little country is; they like to
run their own business. I know men that would make my wife a better
husband than I am; but, darn it, I'm not going to give her to 'em.
-- The Best of Will Rogers
I don't like the Dutchman. He's a crocodile. He's sneaky. I don't trust him.
-- Jack "Legs" Diamond, just before a peace conference
with Dutch Schultz.
I don't trust Legs. He's nuts. He gets excited and starts pulling a
trigger like another guy wipes his nose.
-- Dutch Schultz, just before a peace conference with
"Legs" Diamond.
I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the
streets and frighten the horses.
-- Victor Hugo
I DON'T THINK I'M ALONE when I say I'd like to see more and more planets
fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.
-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
I find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and I fine it $40.
-- Judge Roy Bean, finding a pistol and $40 on a man he'd
just shot.
I found Rome a city of bricks and left it a city of marble.
-- Augustus Caesar
I have a dream. I have a dream that one day, on the red hills of Georgia,
the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to
sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
-- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I have always noticed that whenever a radical takes to Imperialism,
he catches it in a very acute form.
-- Winston Churchill, 1903
I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to promote
peace than our governments. Indeed, I think that people want peace so much
that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them
have it.
-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
I never deny, I never contradict. I sometimes forget.
-- Benjamin Disraeli, British PM, on dealing with the
Royal Family
I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.
-- W.C. Fields
I place economy among the first and most important virtues, and public debt as
the greatest of dangers to be feared. To preserve our independence, we must
not let our rulers load us with perpetual debt. If we run into such debts, we
must be taxed in our meat and drink, in our necessities and in our comforts,
in our labor and in our amusements. If we can prevent the government from
wasting the labor of the people, under the pretense of caring for them, they
will be happy.
-- Thomas Jefferson
I see where we are starting to pay some attention to our neigbors to
the south. We could never understand why Mexico wasn't just crazy about
us; for we have always had their good will, and oil and minerals, at heart.
-- The Best of Will Rogers
I think that all good, right thinking people in this country are sick and
tired of being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are
fed up with being told that all good, right thinking people in this country
are fed up with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not, and I'm sick and
tired of being told that I am!
-- Monty Python
I trust the first lion he meets will do his duty.
-- J.P. Morgan on Teddy Roosevelt's safari
I was appalled by this story of the destruction of a member of a valued
endangered species. It's all very well to celebrate the practicality of
pigs by ennobling the porcine sibling who constructed his home out of
bricks and mortar. But to wantonly destroy a wolf, even one with an
excessive taste for porkers, is unconscionable in these ecologically
critical times when both man and his domestic beasts continue to maraud
the earth.
Sylvia Kamerman, "Book Reviewing"
I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town,
we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.
-- Jack Handley
I would like to electrocute everyone who uses the word 'fair' in connection
with income tax policies.
-- William F. Buckley
I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the
whole field to private industry.
-- Joseph Heller
I'm going to Vietnam at the request of the White House. President Johnson
says a war isn't really a war without my jokes.
-- Bob Hope
“I'm not stupid, I'm not expendable, and I'M NOT GOING!”
“I'm willing to sacrifice anything for this cause, even other people's lives.”
I've always considered statesmen to be more expendable than soldiers.
If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it's still a foolish thing.
-- Bertrand Russell
If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad,
he should see how bad it is with representation.
If people have to choose between freedom and sandwiches, they
will take sandwiches.
-- Lord Boyd-orr
Eats first, morals after.
-- Bertolt Brecht, "The Threepenny Opera"
If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?
If society fits you comfortably enough, you call it freedom.
-- Robert Frost
If the government doesn't trust the people, why doesn't it dissolve them
and elect a new people?
“If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!”
-- "Ma" Ferguson, Governor of Texas (circa 1920)