Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.
-- Garrison Keillor
Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.
-- Garrison Keillor
Lost: gray and white female cat. Answers to electric can opener.
If you have received a letter inviting you to speak at the dedication of a
new cat hospital, and you hate cats, your reply, declining the invitation,
does not necessarily have to cover the full range of your emotions. You must
make it clear that you will not attend, but you do not have to let fly at cats.
The writer of the letter asked a civil question; attack cats, then, only if
you can do so with good humor, good taste, and in such a way that your answer
will be courteous as well as responsive. Since you are out of sympathy with
cats, you may quite properly give this as a reason for not appearing at the
dedication ceremonies of a cat hospital. But bear in mind that your opinion
of cats was not sought, only your services as a speaker. Try to keep things
straight.
-- Strunk and White, "The Elements of Style"
Any member introducing a dog into the Society's premises shall be
liable to a fine of one pound. Any animal leading a blind person shall
be deemed to be a cat.
-- Rule 46, Oxford Union Society, London
“Anything else you wish to draw to my attention, Mr. Holmes ?”
"The curious incident of the stable dog in the nighttime."
"But the dog did nothing in the nighttime."
"That was the curious incident."
-- A. Conan Doyle, "Silver Blaze"
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
-- Ogden Nash
The main problem I have with cats is, they're not dogs.
-- Kevin Cowherd
I love dogs, but I hate Chihuahuas. A Chihuahua isn't a dog. It's a rat
with a thyroid problem.
When man calls an animal "vicious", he usually means that it will attempt
to defend itself when he tries to kill it.
Anyone who considers protocol unimportant has never dealt with a cat.
-- R. Heinlein
I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts
to bite people themselves.
-- August Strindberg
Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't make eight cats pull a sled through
the snow.
“Contrary to popular belief, penguins are not the salvation of modern
technology. Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat.”
The only time a dog gets complimented is when he doesn't do anything.
-- C. Schulz
“If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little
Lavoris in the toilet.”
-- Jay Leno
In the eyes of my dog, I'm a man.
-- Martin Mull
Everyone *knows* cats are on a higher level of existence. These silly humans
are just to big-headed to admit their inferiority.
Just think what a nicer world this would be if it were controlled by
cats.
You wouldn't see cats having waste disposal problems.
They're neat.
They don't have sexual hangups. A cat gets horny, it does something
about it.
They keep reasonable hours. You *never* see a cat up before noon.
They know how to relax. Ever heard of a cat with an ulcer?
What are the chances of a cat starting a nuclear war? Pretty neglible.
It's not that they can't, they just know that there are much better things to
do with ones time. Like lie in the sun and sleep. Or go exploring the world.
For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.
The difference between dogs and cats is that dogs come when they're
called. Cats take a message and get back to you.
To err is human,
To purr feline.
-- Robert Byrne
If a can of Alpo costs 38 cents, would it cost $2.50 in Dog Dollars?
If you are a police dog, where's your badge?
-- Question James Thurber used to drive his German Shepherd
crazy.
Auribus teneo lupum.
[I hold a wolf by the ears.]
[Boy, it *sounds* good. But what does it *mean*?]
Hi! You have reached 555-0129. None of us are here to answer the phone and
the cat doesn't have opposing thumbs, so his messages are illegible. Please
leave your name and message after the beep...
Cats, no less liquid than their shadows, offer no angles to the wind.
Speaking of purchasing a dog, never buy a watchdog that's on sale.
After all, everyone knows a bargain dog never bites!
If anyone has seen my dog, please contact me at x2883 as soon as possible.
We're offering a substantial reward. He's a sable collie, with three legs,
blind in his left eye, is missing part of his right ear and the tip of his
tail. He's been recently fixed. Answers to "Lucky".
Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be
chewed and digested.
-- Francis Bacon
[As anyone who has ever owned a puppy already knows. Ed.]
Sometimes when I get up in the morning, I feel very peculiar. I feel
like I've just got to bite a cat! I feel like if I don't bite a cat
before sundown, I'll go crazy! But then I just take a deep breath and
forget about it. That's what is known as real maturity.
-- Snoopy
Who loves me will also love my dog.
-- John Donne