When God created man, SHE was only joking!
When God created man, SHE was only joking!
Ginsu Knives...why do you need a knife that can cut through a boot and a can?
If life were fair, Dan Quayle would be making a living asking, "Do you want
fries with that?"
The 11th Commandment: Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator!
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often.
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets,
the more interested he is in her!
If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, then why do they abduct
the dumbest people on earth ??
The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than
she is.
The most common form of marriage proposal: "YOU'RE WHAT!?"
The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
-Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
Why should anyone suffer in silence, when you can moan, whimper, cry and
complain!
I'm willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
The world is filled with willing people; some willing to work, the rest
willing to let them.
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day.
And on the eighth day God said, "O.K. Murphy. You take over."
“A Wise Man Should never play leap frog with a unicorn.”
Although it's never fun getting one year older, it sure beats the alternative!
Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts.
As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he
still wrong?
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Should the year 2000 VW Beetle be refered to as the "Y2K Bug"?
I think God invented rain to give dead people something to complain about.
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
I searched for the bluebird of happiness, and found the chicken of despair.
Don't mind her. She hasn't been in a good mood since someone dropped a house
on her sister.
Married men should forget their mistakes; there's no use in two people
remembering the same thing!
To any man who thinks not asking for directions is no big deal, I have two
words: Donner Party.
An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.