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men women quotes

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Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse.
-- Lazarus Long


It is always preferable to visit home with a friend. Your parents will
not be pleased with this plan, because they want you all to themselves and
because in the presence of your friend, they will have to act like mature
human beings.
The worst kind of friend to take home is a girl, because in that case,
there is the potential that your parents will lose you not just for the
duration of the visit but forever. The worst kind of girl to take home is one
of a different religion: Not only will you be lost to your parents forever but
you will be lost to a woman who is immune to their religious/moral arguments
and whose example will irretrievably corrupt you.
Let's say you've fallen in love with just such a girl and would like
to take her home for the holidays. You are aware of your parents' xenophobic
response to anyone of a different religion. How to prepare them for the shock?
Simple. Call them up shortly before your visit and tell them that you
have gotten quite serious about somebody who is of a different religion, a
different race and the same sex. Tell them you have already invited this
person to meet them. Give the information a moment to sink in and then
remark that you were only kidding, that your lover is merely of a different
religion. They will be so relieved they will welcome her with open arms.
-- Playboy, January, 1983


A Code of Honour: never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief
as your goal. There are too many women in the world to justify that sort of
dishonourable behaviour. Unless she's really attractive.
-- Bruce J. Friedman, "Sex and the Lonely Guy"


Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
-- Sigmund Freud


To err is human -- but it feels divine.
-- Mae West


I like being single. I'm always there when I need me.
-- Art Leo


Marriage is an institution in which two undertake to become one, and one
undertakes to become nothing.


Whenever I date a guy, I think, is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?
-- Rita Rudner


A girl and a boy bump into each other -- surely an accident.
A girl and a boy bump and her handkerchief drops -- surely another accident.
But when a girl gives a boy a dead squid -- *____that ___had __to ____mean _________something*.
-- S. Morganstern, "The Silent Gondoliers"


Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise.
-- John Heywood


A woman of generous character will sacrifice her life a thousand times
over for her lover, but will break with him for ever over a question of
pride -- for the opening or the shutting of a door.
-- Stendhal


A girl with a future avoids the man with a past.
-- Evan Esar, "The Humor of Humor"


No woman can call herself free until she can choose consciously whether
she will or will not be a mother.
-- Margaret H. Sanger


When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the
inattentions of one.
-- Helen Rowland


A boy gets to be a man when a man is needed.
-- John Steinbeck


She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to.
-- Gypsy Rose Lee


A good marriage would be between a blind wife and deaf husband.
-- Michel de Montaigne


Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.
-- Plato


A beautiful woman is a picture which drives all beholders nobly mad.
-- Emerson


A beautiful woman is a blessing from Heaven, but a good cigar is a smoke.
-- Kipling


The honeymoon is not actually over until we cease to stifle our sighs
and begin to stifle our yawns.
-- Helen Rowland


Women are not much, but they are the best other sex we have.
-- Herold


By all means marry: If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you
get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates


A good man always knows his limitations.
-- Harry Callahan


A gentleman never strikes a lady with his hat on.
-- Fred Allen


A fox is a wolf who sends flowers.
-- Ruth Weston


Marriage is a ghastly public confession of a strictly private intention.


The happiest time of a person's life is after his first divorce.
-- J.K. Galbraith


A man always remembers his first love with special tenderness, but after
that begins to bunch them.
-- Mencken


So many men; so little time.