macintosh quotes

Macintosh Programmer's Workshop Error Message:
This label is the target of a goto from outside of the
block containing this label AND this block has an automatic
variable with an initializer AND your window wasn't wide
enough to read this whole error message

Open a new preference document. Not available because we don't
like you.
-- Internet Config Balloon Help

I bought my first computer in 1989. At the time everybody I knew
used Macintosh. And it still seems like that's kind of the
case - like Macintosh is the computer of all the creative
disciplines.
-- Moby

The dogcow has a name, and it's not Myria. The dogcow's name is
Clarus. Several people have said to me, "Mark, you handsome devil,
I think I've heard that name, or something similar, somewhere
before." I always tell them, "No, you're hallucinating again. You
never remember anything." The dogcow's name is Clarus for the same
reason you call a table a "table."
-- Technote #31: The Dogcow

Q: How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Did you try rebooting with extensions off?

It's not like Windows users don't have any power. I think they are
happy with Windows, and that's an incredibly depressing thought.
-- Steve Jobs

The end-user cost for this machine should be $500 or less, to be
sold early in 1982 (or, better still, by Christmas 1981).
-- Jef Raskin, May 1979
Describing the prototype to later become the
Macintosh

Q: How many Apple Newton users does it take to screw
in a lightbulb?
A: Only one, tharks to the extnq-producilve handwritling processcr.

Macintosh Programmer's Workshop Error Message:
type in (cast) must be scalar; ANSI 3.3.4; page 39, lines
10-11 (I know you don't care, I'm just trying to annoy you)

Microsoft recently released its new Windows 2000. What are some
of the features of the new operating system?

* Crashes up to 300 percent faster than Windows '98
* Comes with free webcam, which must be kept on at all times
* Fully Y2K compliant
* Special "cost" feature increases Bill Gates' wealth
* Lets you play exiting games like Minesweeper, Solitaire, and
Mindlessly-Add-Up-The-Numbers-40-Hours-A-Week
* New bathroom break scheduler
* Instructs computer to thunder, "I love you, organic master!"
at random intervals
* Conveniently forwards all e-mail to Redmond, WA
-- The Onion

More than two months after I first installed the Professional
version on my Compaq Armada M300, The Laptop That Wouldn't Run
Windows 2000 finally does. All it needed was three teleconferences
with Microsoft and Compaq engineers, marketers and PR people; FedEx
trips first to one company's labs, then to the other's and ultimately
a new motherboard.
-- Henry Norr
26 March 2001, SF Gate

Macintosh Programmer's Workshop Error Message:
This onion already has a perfectly good definition

Macintosh PowerBook 5300/ce117: Notebook Computer & Desktop
Hibachi

Pretty much, Apple and Dell are the only ones in this industry
making money. They make it by being Wal-Mart. We make it by innovation.
-- Steve Jobs

The dogcow has no natural enemies, but the meager population
manages to keep itself in check through its own stupidity. They
have a nasty tendency to graze off cliffs (in fact, there are no
known "cliff-dwelling dogcows" left in existence) and to get lost
in the weeds. You've probably noticed that when you cut very high
grass, you tend to get a lot of "paper" in the grass clippings;
closer examination would show that much of it is actually dogcow.
When a mower approaches, dogcows often actually change their hide
to resemble newspaper as a final line of defense--hence the famous
expression, "black and white and read all over."
-- Technote #31: The Dogcow

The minimum number of holes in the case through which fingers,
screwdrivers (either metallic or liquid), EMI or earwigs can crawl
is to be desired.
-- Jef Raskin, May 1979
Describing the prototype to later become the
Macintosh

Mac people are just cooler. Mac users have a soul. People don't
tell you "I love my Dell" or "I love Windows." But you hear people
say "I love my Mac" all the time.
-- Bob LeVitus

Q: How many Macintosh engineers does it take to screw
in a light bulb?
A: None - it has to be done by a local authorized dealer.

Macintosh Programmer's Workshop Error Message:
...And the lord said, "lo, there shall only be case
or default labels inside a switch statement."

I made the mistake of building my Windows machine myself, it took
three months; it was nothing but bugs. In fact, it's more of a
biology zoo, I think, than a machine.
-- Peter Bergman