lords quotes

'But look,' said Ponder, 'the graveyards are full of people who rushed in bravely but unwisely.'
'Ook.'
'What did he say?' said the Bursar.
'I think he said, "Sooner or later the graveyards are full of everybody".'
(Lords and Ladies)

“Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, especially simian ones. They are
not all that subtle.”
(Lords and Ladies)

For Magrat, stepping into a man's bedroom was like an explorer stepping on
to that part of the map marked Here Be Dragons.
(Lords and Ladies)

Footnote on the High Energy Magic building:
It was here that the thaum, hitherto believed to be the smallest possible particle of magic, was successfully demonstrated to be made up of resons (lit: 'Thing-ies) or reality fragments. Currently research indicates that each reson is itself made up of a combination of at least five 'flavours', known as 'up', 'down', 'sideways', 'sex appeal' and 'peppermint'.
(Lords and Ladies)

Verence would rather cut his own leg off than put a witch in prison, since
it'd save trouble in the long run and probably be less painful.
(Lords and Ladies)

'You've got the loudest silences I ever did hear from anyone who wasn't dead!'
(Lords and Ladies)

'Oook?'
'I like to listen to a man who likes to talk! Whoops! Sawdust and treacle! Put that in your herring and smoke it!'
'I don't think he wants one,' said Ponder.
(Lords and Ladies)

And the child had a permanently runny nose and ought to be provided with a
handkerchief or, failing that, a cork.
(Lords and Ladies)

The thing about iron is that you generally don't have to think fast in
dealing with it.
(Lords and Ladies)

We only remembers that the elves sang. We forgets what it was they were singing about.
(Lords and Ladies)

It was here that the thaum, hitherto believed to be the smallest possible
particle of magic, was succesfully demonstrated to be made up of /resons/
(Lit.: 'Thing-ies') or reality fragments. Currently research indicates that
each reson is itself made up of a combination of at least five 'flavours',
known as 'up', 'down', 'sideways', 'sex appeal' and 'peppermint'.
(Lords and Ladies)

Nanny Ogg looked under her bed in case there was a man there. Well, you
never knew your luck.
(Lords and Ladies)

The universe doesn't much care if you tread on a butterfly. There are plenty more butterflies. Gods might note the fall of a sparrow but they don't make any effort to catch them.
(Lords and Ladies)

...And sometimes there's a short cut. A door or a gate. Some standing stones. A tree cleft by lightning, a filing cabinet. Maybe just a spot onsome moorland somewhere... A place where THERE is very nearly HERE...
If some people knew where such a spot was, if they had experience of what happens when here and there become entangled, then they might - if they knew how - mark such a spot with certain stones. In the hope that enough daft buggers would take it as awarning and keep away.
(Lords and Ladies)

The place looked as though it had been visited by Gengiz Cohen [footnote:
hence the term "wholesale destruction"].
(Lords and Ladies)

The chieftain had been turned into a pumpkin although, in accordance with
the rules of universal humour, he still had his hat on.
(Lords and Ladies)

There used to be such simple directions, back in the days before they invented parallel universes - Up and Down, Right and Left, Backward and Forward, Past and Future...
But normal directions don't work in the multiverse, which has far too many dimensions for anyone to find their way. So new ones have to be invented so that the way can be found.
Like: East of the Sun, West of the Moon
Or: Behind the North Wind.
Or: At the Back of Beyond.
Or: There and Back Again.
Or: Beyond the Fields We Know.
(Lords and Ladies)

Nanny Ogg never did any housework herself, but she was the cause of
housework in other people.
(Lords and Ladies)

The shortest unit of time in the multiverse is the New York Second, defined
as the period of time between the traffic lights turning green and the cab
behind you honking.
(Lords and Ladies)

Humans are always slightly lost. It's a basic characteristic. It explains a lot about them.
(Lords and Ladies)

A heap of discarded garments by the bed suggested that Verence had mastered
the art of hanging up clothes as practised by half the population of the
world, and that he had equally had difficulty with the complex topological
manoeuvres necessary to turn the socks the right way out.
(Lords and Ladies)

Using a metaphor in front of men as unimaginative as Ridcully was like a red rag in front of a bu -- was like putting something very annoyting in front of someone who was annoyed by it.
(Lords and Ladies)

This wasn't a proper land. The sky was blue, not flaming with all the colours of the aurora. And time was passing. To a creature not born subject to time, it was a sensation not unakin to falling.
(Lords and Ladies)

Using a metaphor in front of a man as unimaginative as Ridcully was like a
red flag to a bu-- was like putting something very annoying in front of
someone who was annoyed by it.
(Lords and Ladies)

I LIKE TO THINK I AM A PICKER-UP OF UNCONSIDERED TRIFLES. Death grinned
hopefully.
(Lords and Ladies)

There have, in the course of decadent history, been many large wigs, often
with build-in gewgaws to stop people having to look at boring hair all the
time. There had been ones big enough to contain pet mice or clockwork
ornaments. Mme Cupidor, mistress of Mad King Soup II, had one with a bird
cage in it, but on special state occasions wore one containing a perpetual
calendar, a floral clock and a take-away linguini shop.
(Lords and Ladies)

Mustrum Ridcully did a lot for rare species. For one thing, he kept
them rare.
(Lords and Ladies)

'I don't like to ask them questions.'
'Why not?'
'They might give me answers. And then what would I do?'
(Lords and Ladies)

Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder.
Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels.
Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies.
Elves are glamorous. They project glamour.
Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment.
Elves are terrific. They beget terror.
(Lords and Ladies)

'You make us want what we can't have and what you give us is worth nothing and what you take is everything and all there is left for us is the cold hillside, and emptiness, and the laughter of the elves.'
(Lords and Ladies)