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lazarus long quotes

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You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don't ever count on having
both at once.
-- Lazarus Long


Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse.
-- Lazarus Long


Never try to outstubborn a cat.

-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"


Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other "sins" are
invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful -- just stupid).
-- Lazarus Long


Don't try to have the last word -- you might get it.
-- Lazarus Long


Animals can be driven crazy by putting too many in too small a pen.
Homo sapiens is the only animal that voluntarily does this to himself.
-- Lazarus Long


A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough For Love"


The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: "Of course it is none
of my business, but --" is to place a period after the word "but." Don't use
excessive force in supplying such a moron with a period. Cutting his throat
is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"


Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he
is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe and not
make messes in the house.

-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"


A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough For Love"


To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn
old falsehoods.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough For Love"


This sad little lizard told me that he was a brontosaurus on his mother's
side. I did not laugh; people who boast of ancestry often have little
else to sustain them. Humoring them costs nothing and adds happiness in
a world in which happiness is always in short supply.
-- Lazarus Long


Maybe Jesus was right when he said that the meek shall inherit the
earth -- but they inherit very small plots, about six feet by three.
-- Lazarus Long


Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and annoys the pig.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"


This sad little lizard told me that he was a brontosaurus on his mother's
side. I did not laugh; people who boast of ancestry often have little
else to sustain them. Humoring them costs nothing and adds happiness in
a world in which happiness is always in short supply.
-- Lazarus Long


Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one.
Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage.
-- Lazarus Long


The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: "Of course it is none
of my business, but --" is to place a period after the word "but." Don't use
excessive force in supplying such a moron with a period. Cutting his throat
is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"


Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.
-- Lazarus Long


It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better
still to be a live lion. And usually easier.
-- Lazarus Long


$100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at
which time it will be worth absolutely nothing.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"


$100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at
which time it will be worth absolutely nothing.

-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"


Animals can be driven crazy by putting too many in too small a pen.
Homo sapiens is the only animal that voluntarily does this to himself.
-- Lazarus Long


Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.
-- Lazarus Long


A "practical joker" deserves applause for his wit according to its quality.
Bastinado is about right. For exceptional wit one might grant keelhauling.
But staking him out on an anthill should be reserved for the very wittiest.
-- Lazarus Long


Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he
is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe and not
make messes in the house.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"


Don't try to have the last word -- you might get it.
-- Lazarus Long


Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"


It has long been known that one horse can run faster than another --
but which one? Differences are crucial.
-- Lazarus Long


Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human.
At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear
shoes, bathe and not make messes in the house.

-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"


To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn
old falsehoods.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough For Love"