... and thank you most of all for nuclear power,
which has yet to cause a single proven fatality.
At least in this country. Amen.
-- Homer, saying grace, "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?"
... and thank you most of all for nuclear power,
which has yet to cause a single proven fatality.
At least in this country. Amen.
-- Homer, saying grace, "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?"
Unlike most of you, I am not a nut."
-- Homer in Homer's Odyssey
All my life, I have searched for a car that feels a certain way.
powerful like a gorilla, yet soft and yielding like a Nerf ball.
Now, at last, I have found it.
-- Homer, describing his car, "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?"
“BART!” -- Homer in almost every episode
Apu (Kwik-E-Mart clerk): "Haven't I seen you on TV somewhere before?"
Homer: "Nah, you have me confused with Fred Flintstone."
-- Homer's Night Out
Marge: Homer, go easy on the alkyhol. Remember last year at the Winfields'
party when you threw up in the laundry hamper?
Homer: No.
Marge: Mm.
-- Homer starts getting tipsy, "War of the Simpsons"
“You know, Marge, getting old is a terrible thing. I think the saddest day
of my life was when I realized I could beat my dad at most things. Bart
experienced that at the age of 4.”
-- Homer in Moaning Lisa
Teacher: Simpson, be quiet!
Homer: I haven't seen you in school before.
Teacher: Okay, Simpson,
Homer: What?
Teacher: You just bought yourself
another day of detention.
Homer: Maybe we should get together sometime.
Teacher: Two days!
Marge: I'm sorry, I don't even know your name.
Homer: I'm Homer
Teacher: Three days!
Homer: J.
Teacher: Four days!
Homer: Simpson.
Teacher: Five days!
Homer: It was worth it!
Teacher: Six days!
Okay, Simpson, to the back of the room!
-- Homer's painful introduction The Way We Was
“Go ahead and play the blues if it'll make you happy.”
-- Homer in Moaning Lisa
“Chocolate ... double chocolate ... *gasp!* New flavor! Triple chocolate!”
-- Homer in Krusty Gets Busted
Oh, why did I have to start my diet on pork chop night?
-- Homer, setting out on his diet, "Brush with Greatness"
Some things are so snazzy they never go out of style!
Like tail fins... And bubble domes... And shag carpeting...
-- Homer, designing a car, "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?"
“When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a
bottle. THEY'RE ON TV!”
-- Homer in There's No Disgrace Like Home
Homer: Oh, 125 bucks...
[Flanders appears in a `thought' balloon over Homer's head]
Flanders: Sometimes, you got to spoil yourself... spoil yourself...
spoil yourself...
Homer: Buty I can't afford to...
Flanders: Simpson! I order you to buy those shoes!
Homer: Okay, Flanders, you're the boss! Heh heh heh.
-- Homer and his conscience? "Bart's Dog Gets an F"
“This is the way I've always thought it should be. We've always blamed
ourselves, but I guess we know what cylinder wasn't firing!”
-- Homer in Crepes of Wrath
“Bart, you say butt kisser like it's a bad thing!”
-- Homer in Bart the General
“If they think I'm going to stop at that stop sign, they're mistaken!”
-- Homer in Homer's Odyssey
Marge: That's wonderful, isn't it kids?
Lisa: [to Bart] Pass the moo juice.
Marge: Kids, remember what I told you about showing a little support?
Lisa: Way to go, Dad!
Bart: You look mahvelous!
Maggie: [toasts Homer with her bottle of formula]
-- Homer reaches his weight goal, "Brush with Greatness"
“A boy without mischief is like a bowling ball without a liquid center.”
-- Homer in Tell-Tale Head
“You know, I've been thinking. Everybody makes peanut butter and jelly
sandwiches, but usually the jelly drips over the side and the guys hands get
all sticky, but your jelly stays right in the middle where it's supposed to.
I don't know how you do it, you've just got a gift, I guess. I've always
thought so. I just never mentioned it, but it's time you know how I feel -
I don't believe in keeping feelings bottled up. Good bye, my wife.”
-- Homer to Marge in Jacques to be Wild
I want a horn here, here, and here.
You can never find a horn when you're mad.
And they should all play `La Cucaracha'.
-- Homer, designing a car, "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?"
“I reached Step One: She knew I existed. The only problem was, she didn't
care.”
-- Homer on attracting Marge in The Way We Was
“I want to be alone with my thought.”
-- Homer in There's No Disgrace Like Home
Ooh, pretty creepy. Still, I'd rather have him chasing me than the Wolf Man.
-- Homer admires the mummy at the museum, "Lisa's Substitute"
“Look, I'm not asking you to like me, I'm not asking you to put yourself
in a position where I can touch your goodies, I'm just asking you to be
fair.”
-- Homer to Marge in The Way We Was
And if you don't (pass the fourth grade) at least you'll be bigger than
the other kids
-- Homer to Bart in Bart Gets An 'F'
“Maybe Lisa's right about America being the land of opportunity and may Adil
has a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of
the workers.”
-- Homer in Crepes of Wrath
Mr. Burns: "How does he do it?"
Smithers: "He's a love machine, sir."
-- Homer's Night Out
“Krusty, I'm man enough to admit I was wrong and I'm sorry I fingered you
in court. I sincerely hope that the horrible stories I heard about what
goes on in prison are exaggerated.”
-- Homer in Krusty Gets Busted
“It's almost like having a fifth sense or something!”
-- Homer in Call of the Simpsons