“`If there's anything more important than my ego around, I
want it caught and shot now.'”
- Zaphod.
“`If there's anything more important than my ego around, I
want it caught and shot now.'”
- Zaphod.
“`The best way to get a drink out of a Vogon is to stick
your finger down his throat...'”
- The Book, on one of the Vogon's social inadequacies.
“`Credit?' he said. `Aaaargggh...'
These two words are usually coupled together in the Old
Pink Dog Bar.”
- Ford in a spot of bother.
“The story goes that I first had the idea for THHGTTG while
lying drunk in a field in Innsbruck (or `Spain' as the BBC
TV publicity department authoritatively has it, probably
because it's easier to spell).” - Foreward by DNA.
FORD Six pints of bitter. And quickly please, the world's about to
end.
BARMAN Oh yes, sir? Nice weather for it.
“One's never alone with a rubber duck. ”
“The major difference between a thing that might go wrong
and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a
thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually
turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.”
- One of the laws of computers and programming revealed.
“I don't know, " said the voice on the PA, ”apathetic
bloody planet, I've no sympathy at all. "
“Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz smiled very slowly. This was done
not so much for effect as because he was trying to remember
the sequence of muscle movements. ”
“What the hell, he thought, you're only young once, and
threw himself out of the window. That would at least keep
the element of surprise on his side.”
- Ford outwitting a Vogon with a rocket launcher by going
into another certain death situation.
“There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily
escaped the chronicler's mind.”
- This line perhaps best sums up the whole book.
“`This must be Thursday,' said Arthur to himself, sinking
low over his beer, `I never could get the hang of
Thursdays.'”
- Arthur, on what was to be his last Thursday on Earth.
ZAPHOD Hey, this rock...
FORD Marble...
ZAPHOD Marble...
FORD Ice-covered marble...
ZAPHOD Right... it's as slippery as... as... What's the slipperiest
thing you can think of?
FORD At the moment? This marble.
ZAPHOD Right. This marble is as slippery as this marble.
- Zaphod and Ford trying to get a grip on things in Brontitall, Fit the Tenth.
“`Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it.'”
- Arthur experiences the improbability drive at work.
“`The first ten million years were the worst,' said Marvin,
`and the second ten million, they were the worst too. The
third ten million I didn't enjoy at all. After that I went
into a bit of a decline.'”
- Marvin reflecting back on his 576,000,003,579 year
career as Milliways' car park attendent.
“`...You hadn't exactly gone out of your way to call
attention to them had you? I mean like actually telling
anyone or anything.'
`But the plans were on display...'
`On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to
find them.'
`That's the display department.'
`With a torch.'
`Ah, well the lights had probably gone.'
`So had the stairs.'
`But look you found the notice didn't you?'
`Yes,' said Arthur, `yes I did. It was on display in the
bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused
lavatory with a sign on the door saying ”Beware of The
Leopard".'"
- Arthur singing the praises of the local council planning department.
“`Eddies,' said Ford, `in the space-time continuum.'
`Ah,' nodded Arthur, `is he? Is he?'”
- Arthur failing in his first lesson of galactic physics in four years.
"Now it is such a bizarrely improbable coincidence that
anything so mindboggingly useful could have evolved purely
by chance that some thinkers have chosen to see it as the
final and clinching proof of the non-existence of God.
"The argument goes something like this: `I refuse to prove
that I exist,' says God, `for proof denies faith, and
without faith I am nothing.'
"`But,' says Man, `The Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn't
it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you
exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don't.
QED.'
“Rome wasn't burned in a day. ”
“OK, so ten out of ten for style, but minus several million
for good thinking, yeah? ”
“Does it worry you that you don't talk any kind of sense? ”
“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a
lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad
move.” - The Book just recapping what happened in the last
book.
"`I am so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in
me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over
my pelvis.'"
- Zaphod being cool.
“There are of course many problems connected with life, of
which some of the most popular are `Why are people born?'
`Why do they die?' `Why do they spend so much of the
intervening time wearing digital watches?'”
- The Book.
“`In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high,
men were REAL men, women were REAL women, and small furry
creatures from Alpha Centauri were REAL small furry
creatures from Aplha Centauri.'”
- The Book getting all nostalgic.
“`How do you feel?' he asked him.
`Like a military academy,' said Arthur, `bits of me keep
passing out.'” ....
`We're safe,' he said.
`Oh good,' said Arthur.
`We're in a small galley cabin,' said Ford, `in one of the
spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet.'
`Ah,' said Arthur, `this is obviously some strange usage of
the word "safe" that I wasn't previously aware of.'
- Arthur after his first ever teleport ride.
“Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President
should on no account be allowed to do the job.”
- Some wisdom from The Book.
“Ah, " said Arthur, ”this is obviously some strange usage
of the word safe that I wasn't previously aware of. "
“`You'd better be prepared for the jump into hyperspace.
It's unpleasantly like being drunk.'
`What's so unpleasant about being drunk?'
`You ask a glass of water.'”
- Arthur getting ready for his first jump into hyperspace.
“Arthur felt at a bit of a loss. There was a whole Galaxy
of stuff out there for him, and he wondered if it was
churlish of him to complain to himself that it lacked just
two things: the world he was born on and the woman he
loved. ”
“He expanded his chest to make it totally clear that here
was the sort of man you only dared to cross if you had a
team of Sherpas with you. ”
“`Er, hey Earthman...'
`Arthur,' said Arthur.
`Yeah, could you just sort of keep this robot with you and
guard this end of the passageway. OK?'
`Guard?' said Arthur. `What from? You just said there's no
one here.'
`Yeah, well, just for safety, OK?' said Zaphod.
`Whose? Yours or mine?'”
- Arthur drawing the short straw on Magrathea.