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groucho marx quotes

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I could dance with you till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx


I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
-- Groucho Marx


In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians
can go on the air and kid the people.

-- Groucho Marx


In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the
politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

-- Groucho Marx


Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

-- Groucho Marx


A child of five would understand this.
Send someone to fetch a child of five.

-- Groucho Marx


I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
-- Groucho Marx


A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
-- Groucho Marx


You'd better beat it. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you
can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff.
-- Groucho Marx


It's not often that you get so much class entertainment outside your bedroom
window or outside your bedroom, period.
- Groucho Marx


Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

-- GROUCHO MARX


I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.

-- Groucho Marx


I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
-- Groucho Marx


All people are born alike -- except Republicans and Democrats.
-- Groucho Marx


My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been
one.

-- Groucho Marx


No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best
friend.

-- Groucho Marx


My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
-- Groucho Marx


I could dance with you till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx


I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.
-- Groucho Marx


It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa.
-- Groucho Marx


“I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.” (Groucho Marx)


From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed
with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
-- Groucho Marx, from "The Book of Insults"


Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.

-- Groucho Marx


If you stew apples like cranberries, they taste more like prunes than
rhubarb does.
-- Groucho Marx


From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed
with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
-- Groucho Marx, from "The Book of Insults"


Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog it's too
dark to read.
-- Groucho Marx


It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be
unhappy.
-- Groucho Marx


Thirteen at a table is unlucky only when the hostess has only twelve chops.
-- Groucho Marx


“Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend: and inside a dog,
it's too dark to read.”

-- Groucho Marx


If you stew apples like cranberries, they taste more like prunes than
rhubarb does.
-- Groucho Marx