Monica: So we're back on?
Carol: We're back on.
Monica: You heard the woman. Peel, chop, devil! I can't believe I lost
2 minutes.
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
Monica: So we're back on?
Carol: We're back on.
Monica: You heard the woman. Peel, chop, devil! I can't believe I lost
2 minutes.
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
Monica: Okay, all right don't judge me to much. Okay? Um, but I saw this
info-mercial, and um, I swear to you I have never-ever bought anything
on TV before, except for this mop. But there was this stuff on leg
waxing, it just, it looked so amazing....
Phoebe: Waxine!!
Monica: Yes! Have you seen it?
Phoebe: Oh, it's incredible! I so want to be a Waxine girl.
Monica: I know!!
Phoebe: God. Do think it really doesn't hurt? `Cause how can they do that?
Monica: Hello! Organic substances recently discovered in the depths of
the rain forest!
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
Monica: Alright, but I'm very excited about this OK, so you gotta promise
you won't get all big-brothery and judgmental.
Ross: Oh, I promise, what.
Monica: It's Richard Burke.
Ross: Who's Richard Burke? Doc, Doctor Burke? You have a date with Doctor
Burke? Why? Why, why should that bother me? I, I love that man, he's like
a uh, brother... to dad.
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Chandler: Yes, but this is Pete. Okay? He's not like other people, on your
first date he took you to Rome. For most guys that's like a third or
fourth date kinda thing.
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Ross: [sarcastic] Oh please, can't I come to your special, magical cabin?
Rachel: Why would you even want to come Ross? You're a horrible skier.
Ross: Oh-oh, hitting me where it hurts - my ski skills.
Monica: Here we go again.
Joey: I-I can't handle this, you guys.
Chandler: You know what, I can handle it, handle is my middle name.
Actually it's the ah, middle part of my first name.
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
Ross: Hi Dr. Greene. So, uh, how's everything in the uh, vascular surgery
....game?
Mr. Greene: It's not a game Ross, a woman died on my table today.
Ross: I'm sorry. See that's the good thing about my job. All the dinosaurs
on my table are already dead.
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
Ross: Oh come on, we just had this huge fight, all right, don't I have to
wait a while?
Chandler: Hey, this isn't like swimming after you eat, pick up the phone!!
(Ross goes to call her.)
Chandler: Y'know that whole swimming thing is a myth.
Joey: Yeah, tell that to my Uncle Lenny.
Chandler: Why? What happened to him?
Joey: Nothing, he's just really believes in that.
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Susan: You wanna dance?
Ross: No, that's fine.
Susan: Come on. I'll let you lead.
Ross: Ok.
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Rachel: No no no, wait, I wanna see what happens [in the show].
Joey: Uh, I get Leslie out of the coma and then we make out.
Rachel: Well how can that be, you were just kissing Sabrina?
Monica: Rachel, it's a world where Joey is a neuro-surgeon.
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
Mischa: [to Monica] And the vet said it was time. And so from half a world
away, while my Mother held the phone to his ear, I said good bye to my
dog. In seven languages.
Monica: Oh. [to Phoebe] Can I have a tissue?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah, sure. I just hope you, hope you don't accidentally suck
it up through your nose and choke on it.
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
Janice: Janice has a question. Who of the six of you has sleep with the
six of you?
Phoebe: Wow, it's like a dirty math problem.
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
Monica: Pete's breaking up with me.
All: What?!
Monica: I just checked my messages, and he said that when he gets back from
Atlanta, we need to talk.
Rachel: And?
Monica: Well that's it. People never say `We need to talk' unless it's something bad.
Joey: Whoa, that doesn't necessarily mean that he's breaking up with you.
Monica: Really?!
Joey: Yeah, maybe he just cheated on you.
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
Monica: Sure. Oh, um, Chandler? Y'know, the-the old Monica would - would
remind you to scrub that Teflon pan with a plastic brush...But I'm not
gonna do that.
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
[Monica is in her bed but can't fall asleep]
Monica (voiceover): If it bothers you that much, just go out and get the
shoes.
No. Don't do this.
This is stupid! I don't have to prove anything,
I'm gonna go get them... But then everyone will know.
Unless I get them, and then wake up really early and put them back!
...I need help!
[Buries her head in her pillow]
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Phoebe: OK. [singing] Smelly cat, smell-ly cat, what are they feeding you?
Smelly cat [back up singers - smelly, smelly, smelly, really bad smelly cat,
it's not your fault] OK, sorry. I'm just, I'm just not getting that everyone
um, gets how smelly this cat acually is. I just think that maybe if we could
talk about this, 'cause I need to feel that you really care about the cat.
Producer: Honey, uh we, we can talk about this. It's just that it's costing
about a hundred dollars a minute to be in here.
Phoebe: Oh OK. So, um, the cat stinks but you love it, let's go.
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
Chandler: (entering) Hey, does anybody need anything copied? I'm going down
to the Xerox place.
Monica: Oh, no thanks.
Chandler: Okay listen, just give me anything I can make two of.
Monica: Well, if you don't have anything to copy, why are you going down
there?
Joey: Yeah, are you just going down there to gawk at that hot girl with the
belly button ring again?
Chandler: Yeah! You wanna come?
Joey: Yeah!
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
Pete: ...so y'know, that's why, within a few years, that voice recognition
is gonna be pretty much standard on any computer you buy. Y'know, so you
could be like-like, "Wash my car!", "Clean my room!"
It's not gonna be able to do any of those things, but it'll understand
what you're saying.
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
Joey: He's right, man. Please. Move on. Go to China. Eat Chinese food.
Chandler: Course there, they just call it food.
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
Chandler: Well, y'know, I had some trouble with it at first too, but the
way I look at it is, I get all the good stuff: all the fun, all the talking,
all the sex; and none of the responsibility. I mean, this is every guy's
fantasy!
Phoebe: Oh, yeah. That is not true. Ross, is this your fantasy?
Ross: No, of course not! [Thinks] ...Yeah, yeah, it is.
Monica: What? So you guys don't mind going out with someone else who's
going out with someone else?
Joey: I couldn't do it.
Monica: Good for you, Joey.
Joey: When I'm with a woman, I need to know that I'm going out with more
people than she is.
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
Erica: I don't understand, why didn't you help that man?
Joey: Uhh, cause, uhh, I'm a neurosurgeon and that was clearly a case of, uh,
uh, foodal chokage.
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
[At the Brown Bird meeting]
Ross: [to the girl sitting next to him] Hi there. How many, how many ah,
did you sell?
Girl: I'm not gonna tell you! You're the bad man who broke Sarah's leg.
Ross: Hey now! That was an accident, okay.
Girl: You're a big scrud.
Ross: What's a scrud?
Girl: Why don't you look in the mirror, scrud.
Ross: I don't have too. I can just look at you.
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Chandler: Alright, ok, alright. So I can't fire Joseph but uh, I can sleep
with his wife.
Joey: Karen.
Chandler: Yeah, Karen. I'm thinking about having an affair with her. Oh, you
know what? I just did.
Joey: Ahh. What the hell are you doing to me man.
Chandler: Oh well it's not me, it's my character, Chandy. Yeah, the rogue
processor who seduces his co-workers' wives for sport and then laughs about
it the next day at the water cooler. In fact, I have her panties right there
in my drawer.
Joey: Really?
Chandler: No freakshow, she's fictional.
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
Ross: What, so this guy is helping you for no apparent reason?
Rachel: Uh-huh!
Ross: And he's, he's a total stranger?
Rachel: Yeah! His name is um, Mark something.
Ross: Huh. Sounds like Mark Something wants to have some sex.
Rachel: What!?
Ross: Well, I'm just saying, I mean why else would he just, y'know, swoop
in out of nowhere for no reason.
Rachel: To be nice.
Ross: Hey, Joey. Are men ever nice to strange women for no reason?
Joey: No, only for sex.
Ross: Thank you.
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
Phoebe: Hey is this true, that you write a lot of your own lines?
Joey: Uh, well, kinda yeah. Like, remember last week when Alex was in the
accident? Well the line in the script was, 'If we don't get this woman to a
hospital, she's going to die.' But I made it, ' If this woman doesn't get
to a hospital, she's not gonna live.'
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
Chandler: I am telling you, years from now, schoolchildren will study it
as one of the greatest first dates of all time. It was unbelievable! We
could totally be ourselves, we didn't have to play any games...
Monica: So have you called her yet?
Chandler: Let her know I like her? What are you, insane?
It's the next day! How needy do I want to seem?
[To the guys] I'm right, right?
Joey & Ross: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Let her dangle.
Monica: I can't believe my parents are actually pressuring me to find one
of you people.
Phoebe: Oh, God, just do it! Call her! Stop being so testosteroney!
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
Joey: Well, what about the fact that you insulted the bracelet and you
made fun of me?
Chandler: OK, well that's the part where I'm a wank. But I was hoping we
wouldn't focus on that.
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
Joey: If you ask me, as long as you got this job, you've got nothing pushing
you to get another one. You need the fear.
Rachel: The fear?
Chandler: He's right, if you quit this job, you then have motivation to go
after a job you really want.
Rachel: Well then how come you're still at a job that you hate, I mean why
don't you quit and get `the fear'?
[Chandler and Joey both laugh]
Chandler: Because, I'm too afraid.
Rachel: I don't know, I mean I would give anything to work for a designer,
you know, or a buyer.... Oh, I just don't want to be 30 and still work
here.
Chandler: Yeah, that'd be much worse than being 28, and still working here.
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
[Joey and Chandler are watching T.V.]
Phoebe: You know you should go outside and be with the three-dimensional
people.
Joey: No, inside good, outside bad.
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
Monica: Hey, great skirt! Birthday present?
Rachel: Yeah.
Monica: Oh, from who?
Rachel: From you. I exchanged the blouse you got me.
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"
Chandler: [Entering with an issue of Cosmo] All right, I took the quiz, and
it turns out, I do put career before men.
Excerpt from the TV Show "Friends"