Everything's great in this good old world;
(This is the stuff they can always use.)
God's in his heaven, the hill's dew-pearled;
(This will provide for baby's shoes.)
Hunger and War do not mean a thing;
Everything's rosy where'er we roam;
Hark, how the little birds gaily sing!
(This is what fetches the bacon home.)
-- Dorothy Parker, "The Far Sighted Muse"
There's little in taking or giving,
There's little in water or wine:
This living, this living, this living,
Was never a project of mine.
Oh, hard is the struggle, and sparse is
The gain of the one at the top,
For art is a form of catharsis,
And love is a permanent flop,
And work is the province of cattle,
And rest's for a clam in a shell,
So I'm thinking of throwing the battle --
Would you kindly direct me to hell?
-- Dorothy Parker
That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.
-- Dorothy Parker
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
-- Dorothy Parker
Age before beauty; and pearls before swine.
-- Dorothy Parker
My soul is crushed, my spirit sore
I do not like me anymore,
I cavil, quarrel, grumble, grouse,
I ponder on the narrow house
I shudder at the thought of men
I'm due to fall in love again.
-- Dorothy Parker, "Enough Rope"
She ran the gamut of emotions from 'A' to 'B'.
-- Dorothy Parker, on a Kate Hepburn performance
Drink and dance and laugh and lie
Love, the reeling midnight through
For tomorrow we shall die!
(But, alas, we never do.)
-- Dorothy Parker, "The Flaw in Paganism"
By the time you swear you're his,
shivering and sighing
and he vows his passion is
infinite, undying --
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.
-- Dorothy Parker, "Unfortunate Coincidence"
The ladies men admire, I've heard,
Would shudder at a wicked word.
Their candle gives a single light;
They'd rather stay at home at night.
They do not keep awake till three,
Nor read erotic poetry.
They never sanction the impure,
Nor recognize an overture.
They shrink from powders and from paints...
So far, I've had no complaints.
-- Dorothy Parker
This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with
great force.
-- Dorothy Parker
The man she had was kind and clean
And well enough for every day,
But oh, dear friends, you should have seen
The one that got away.
-- Dorothy Parker, "The Fisherwoman"
My own dear love, he is strong and bold
And he cares not what comes after.
His words ring sweet as a chime of gold,
And his eyes are lit with laughter.
He is jubilant as a flag unfurled --
Oh, a girl, she'd not forget him.
My own dear love, he is all my world --
And I wish I'd never met him.
-- Dorothy Parker
Every love's the love before
In a duller dress.
-- Dorothy Parker, "Summary"
Trapped, like a trap in a trap.
-- Dorothy Parker
She ran the gamut of emotions from 'A' to 'B'.
-- Dorothy Parker, on a Kate Hepburn performance
THEORY
Into love and out again,
Thus I went and thus I go.
Spare your voice, and hold your pen:
Well and bitterly I know
All the songs were ever sung,
All the words were ever said;
Could it be, when I was young,
Someone dropped me on my head?
-- Dorothy Parker
That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.
-- Dorothy Parker
That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.
-- Dorothy Parker
Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
Four be the things I'd been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
Three be the things I shall have till I die:
Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.
-- Dorothy Parker, "Inventory" [or "Not so Deep as a Well"?]
The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Cheque Enclosed."
-- Dorothy Parker
The ladies men admire, I've heard,
Would shudder at a wicked word.
Their candle gives a single light;
They'd rather stay at home at night.
They do not keep awake till three,
Nor read erotic poetry.
They never sanction the impure,
Nor recognize an overture.
They shrink from powders and from paints ...
So far, I've had no complaints.
-- Dorothy Parker
Where's the man could ease a heart like a satin gown?
-- Dorothy Parker, "The Satin Dress"
A girl's best friend is her mutter.
-- Dorothy Parker
By the time you swear you're his,
shivering and sighing
and he vows his passion is
infinite, undying --
Lady, make a note of this:
One of you is lying.
-- Dorothy Parker, "Unfortunate Coincidence"
Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
Four be the things I'd been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
Three be the things I shall have till I die:
Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.
-- Dorothy Parker, "Inventory" [or "Not so Deep as a Well"?]
If I don't drive around the park,
I'm pretty sure to make my mark.
If I'm in bed each night by ten,
I may get back my looks again.
If I abstain from fun and such,
I'll probably amount to much;
But I shall stay the way I am,
Because I do not give a damn.
-- Dorothy Parker
The sweeter the apple, the blacker the core --
Scratch a lover and find a foe!
-- Dorothy Parker, "Ballad of a Great Weariness"
My love, he's mad, and my love, he's fleet,
And a wild young wood-thing bore him!
The ways are fair to his roaming feet,
And the skies are sunlit for him.
As sharply sweet to my heart he seems
As the fragrance of acacia.
My own dear love, he is all my dreams --
And I wish he were in Asia.
-- Dorothy Parker, part 2
This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible
with raisins in it.
-- Dorothy Parker