The only reason for walking into the jaws of Death is so's you can steal His gold teeth.
(Colour of Magic)
The only reason for walking into the jaws of Death is so's you can steal His gold teeth.
(Colour of Magic)
- "Very clever idea, though."
- "What is?"
- "Asking the questions when people arrive. If anyone was coming here to
do some subversive overthrowing, everyone'd be down on him like a pound of
bricks as soon as he answered 'Yes'."
- "It's a sneaky trick, isn't it," said Angalo, in an admiring tone of
voice.
-- The nomes encounter American customs regulations
(Terry Pratchett, Wings)
- "There's a door"
- "Where does it go?"
- "It stays where it is, I think."
(Eric)
“The knuckles! The horrible knuckles!”
(The Light Fantastic)
“I daresay,” said Granny, pushing the Fool aside and stepping over a
writhing taproot. "If anyone locked *me* in a dungeon, there'd be screams."
(Wyrd Sisters)
Instead, people would take pains to tell her that beauty was only
skin-deep, as if a man ever fell for an attractive pair of kidneys.
(Maskerade)
The trouble with witches is that they'll never run away from things they really hate.
And the trouble with small furry animals in a corner is that, just occasionally, one of them's a mongoose.
(Witches Abroad)
In fact, no gods anywhere play chess. They prefer simple, vicious games,
where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight to Oblivion; a key
to the understanding of all religion is that a god's idea of amusement is
Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.
(Wyrd Sisters)
'There's Mr Dibbler.'
'What's he selling this time?'
'I don't think he's trying to sell anything, Mr Poons.'
'It's that bad? Then we're probably in lots of trouble.'
(Reaper Man)
'But you ain't part of it, are you?' said Granny conversationally. 'You try, but you always find yourself watchin' yourself watchin' people, eh? Never quite believin' anything? Thinkin' the wrong thoughts?'
(Maskerade)
Ankh-Morpork has always had a fine tradition of welcoming people of all races, colours and shapes, if they have money to spend and a return
ticket.
(Reaper Man)
[...] Vimes's grin was as funny as the one that moves very fast towards
drowning men. And has a fin on top.
(Jingo)
'It's vital to remember who you really are. It's very important. It isn't a good idea to rely on other people or things to do it for you, you see. They always get it wrong.'
(Sourcery)
The duke had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it
regularly went cuckoo.
(Wyrd Sisters)
There was a roar like the scream of a camel who has just seen two bricks.
(Soul Music)
Being a werewolf meant having the dexterity and jaw power to instantly rip
out a man's jugular. It was a trick of her father's that had always annoyed
her mother, especially when he did it just before meals.
(Men at Arms)
Be careful what you wish for. You never know who will be listening.
Or what, for that matter.
(Soul Music)
+++ Divide By Cucumber Error. Please Reinstall Universe And Reboot +++
(Hogfather)
“Go on, do Deformed Rabbit... it's my favourite.”
-- Shadow puppets are so cute
(Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)
The calender of the Theocracy of Muntab counts down, not up. No-one knows
why, but it might not be a good idea to hang around and find out.
(Wyrd Sisters)
“You know," said Windle, "it's a wonderful afterlife.”
(Reaper Man)
People have believed for hundreds of years that newts in a well mean that
the water's fresh and drinkable, and *in all that time* never asked
themselves whether the newts got out to go to the lavatory.
(Reaper Man)
Chefet, Chefet, thought Dios. Maker of rings, weaver of metal. Now he's out of our heads, and see how his nails grow into claws...
(Pyramids)
WHAT CAN THE HARVEST HOPE FOR, IF NOT FOR THE CARE OF THE REAPER MAN?
-- Death appeals to Azrael
(Terry Pratchett, Reaper Man)
'I'm not a thief, madam. But if I were, I would be the kind that steals fire from the gods.'
'We've already got fire.'
'There must be an upgrade by now.'
(Hogfather)
Worlds of belief, she [Susan] thought. Just like oysters. A little piece of shit gets in and then a pearl grows around it.
(Hogfather)
- "But I don't *believe* in reincarnation!" he protested.
- SQUEAK.
- And this, Mr Pounder understood with absolute rodent clarity, meant:
Reincarnation believes in *you*.
(Maskerade)
'I cannot! He has been kindness itself to me!'
'And you can be Death itself to him.'
(Wyrd Sisters)
If you take the small view, the universe is just something small and round,
like those water-filled balls which produce a miniature snowstorm when you
shake them. Although, unless the ineffable plan is a lot more ineffable
than it's given credit for, it does not have a large plastic snowman at the
bottom.
-- (Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman, Good Omens)
People who would not believe a High Priest if he said the sky was blue, and was able to produce signed affidavits to this effect from his white-haired old mother and three Vestal virgins, would trust just about anything whispered darkly behind their hand by a complete stranger.
(Maskerade)