Bilbo's First Law:
You cannot count friends that are all packed up in barrels.
Bilbo's First Law:
You cannot count friends that are all packed up in barrels.
Binary, adj.:
Possessing the ability to have friends of both sexes.
Bing's Rule:
Don't try to stem the tide -- move the beach.
Bipolar, adj.:
Refers to someone who has homes in Nome, Alaska, and Buffalo, New York.
birth, n:
The first and direst of all disasters.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
bit, n:
A unit of measure applied to color. Twenty-four-bit color
refers to expensive $3 color as opposed to the cheaper 25
cent, or two-bit, color that use to be available a few years ago.
Bizoos, n.:
The millions of tiny individual bumps that make up a basketball.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Bloom's Seventh Law of Litigation:
The judge's jokes are always funny.
Blore's Razor:
Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier.
Blutarsky's Axiom:
Nothing is impossible for the man who will not listen to reason.
Boling's postulate:
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
Bolub's Fourth Law of Computerdom:
Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so
vividly manifests their lack of progress.
Bombeck's Rule of Medicine:
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Boob's Law:
You always find something in the last place you look.
Booker's Law:
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
Bore, n.:
A person who talks when you wish him to listen.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Boren's Laws:
(1) When in charge, ponder.
(2) When in trouble, delegate.
(3) When in doubt, mumble.
boss, n:
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, in the Middle Ages the
words "boss" and "botch" were largely synonymous, except that boss,
in addition to meaning "a supervisor of workers" also meant "an
ornamental stud."
Boucher's Observation:
He who blows his own horn always plays the music
several octaves higher than originally written.
Bower's Law:
Talent goes where the action is.
Bowie's Theorem:
If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
boy, n:
A noise with dirt on it.
brain, v: [as in "to brain"]
To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source
of error in an opponent.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
brain-damaged, generalization of "Honeywell Brain Damage" (HBD), a
theoretical disease invented to explain certain utter cretinisms in
Multics, adj:
Obviously wrong; cretinous; demented. There is an implication
that the person responsible must have suffered brain damage,
because he/she should have known better. Calling something
brain-damaged is bad; it also implies it is unusable.
Bride, n.:
A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
briefcase, n:
A trial where the jury gets together and forms a lynching party.
broad-mindedness, n:
The result of flattening high-mindedness out.
Brogan's Constant:
People tend to congregate in the back of the church and the
front of the bus.
brokee, n:
Someone who buys stocks on the advice of a broker.
Brooke's Law:
Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool
discovers something which either abolishes the system or
expands it beyond recognition.