Armadillo:
To provide weapons to a Spanish pickle.
Armadillo:
To provide weapons to a Spanish pickle.
pixel, n.:
A mischievous, magical spirit associated with screen displays.
The computer industry has frequently borrowed from mythology:
Witness the sprites in computer graphics, the demons in artificial
intelligence, and the trolls in the marketing department.
economics, n.:
Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J.K. Galbraith.
-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
Abbott's Admonitions:
(1) If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.
(2) If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.
-- Charles Abbot, dean, University of Virginia
quark:
The sound made by a well bred duck.
Telephone, n.:
An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages
of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
-- Ambrose Bierce
Bore, n.:
A guy who wraps up a two-minute idea in a two-hour vocabulary.
-- Walter Winchell
Die, v.:
To stop sinning suddenly.
-- Elbert Hubbard
optimist, n.:
A proponent of the belief that black is white.
A pessimist asked God for relief.
"Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness," said God.
"No," replied the petitioner, "I wish you to create something that
would justify them."
"The world is all created," said God, "but you have overlooked
something -- the mortality of the optimist."
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Brontosaurus Principle:
Organizations can grow faster than their brains can manage them
in relation to their environment and to their own physiology: when
this occurs, they are an endangered species.
-- Thomas K. Connellan
Mencken and Nathan's Ninth Law of The Average American:
The quality of a champagne is judged by the amount of noise the
cork makes when it is popped.
ASCII:
The control code for all beginning programmers and those who would
become computer literate. Etymologically, the term has come down as
a contraction of the often-repeated phrase "ascii and you shall
receive."
-- Robb Russon
Beifeld's Principle:
The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive
young female increases by pyramidical progression when he
is already in the company of (1) a date, (2) his wife, (3) a
better-looking and richer male friend.
-- R. Beifeld
Bug, n.:
An aspect of a computer program which exists because the
programmer was thinking about Jumbo Jacks or stock options when s/he
wrote the program.
Fortunately, the second-to-last bug has just been fixed.
-- Ray Simard
ignisecond, n:
The overlapping moment of time when the hand is locking the car
door even as the brain is saying, "my keys are in there!"
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Labor, n.:
One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
Committee, n.:
A group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group
decide that nothing can be done.
-- Fred Allen
QOTD:
"I'm on a seafood diet -- I see food and I eat it."
Lactomangulation, n.:
Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk carton so badly
that one has to resort to using the "illegal" side.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Senate, n.:
A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
-- Ambrose Bierce
QOTD:
"I tried buying a goat instead of a lawn tractor; had to return
it though. Couldn't figure out a way to connect the snow blower."
QOTD:
"If he learns from his mistakes, pretty soon he'll know everything."
Burn's Hog Weighing Method:
(1) Get a perfectly symmetrical plank and balance it across a sawhorse.
(2) Put the hog on one end of the plank.
(3) Pile rocks on the other end until the plank is again perfectly
balanced.
(4) Carefully guess the weight of the rocks.
-- Robert Burns
Banectomy, n.:
The removal of bruises on a banana.
-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
Accident, n.:
A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of
body is better.
-- Foolish Dictionary
Etymology, n.:
Some early etymological scholars came up with derivations that
were hard for the public to believe. The term "etymology" was formed
from the Latin "etus" ("eaten"), the root "mal" ("bad"), and "logy"
("study of"). It meant "the study of things that are hard to swallow."
-- Mike Kellen
A hypothetical paradox:
What would happen in a battle between an Enterprise security team,
who always get killed soon after appearing, and a squad of Imperial
Stormtroopers, who can't hit the broad side of a planet?
-- Tom Galloway
blithwapping:
Using anything BUT a hammer to hammer a nail into the
wall, such as shoes, lamp bases, doorstops, etc.
-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
Goto, n.:
A programming tool that exists to allow structured programmers
to complain about unstructured programmers.
-- Ray Simard
History, n.:
Papa Hegel he say that all we learn from history is that we
learn nothing from history. I know people who can't even learn from
what happened this morning. Hegel must have been taking the long view.
-- Chad C. Mulligan, "The Hipcrime Vocab"