Problem weeds appear first at the back end of the field you visit least.
Corollary: You won't see them until the seeds have gone through the combine.
-- Tare's Tenets n°3
Problem weeds appear first at the back end of the field you visit least.
Corollary: You won't see them until the seeds have gone through the combine.
-- Tare's Tenets n°3
The announcement of the one meeting you most wanted to attend will arrive in the mail the day after the event.
-- Postal Postulate
Corn borers are selectively attracted to the hybrid with the weakest stalks.
-- The Entomologist's Edict
Unloading augers break only when the combine bin is completely full.
-- Deere's Dictums n°2
When you mistakenly plant at too high a population, every seed will grow.
-- Planter's Paradox
Weeds are the only plants that thrive in miserable weather.
-- Tare's Tenets n°1
Cattle never break out while you're watching.
Corollary: You'll find them in the field you entered in the crop competition.
-- The Taurine Tenet
Spray drift is selectively attracted to soybean fields.
-- The Dicamba Dictum
The most essential parts are always on back-order.
-- Mechanics' Maxims n°1
The nozzle behind the sprayer tank will be the first one to plug
-- The Law of Inverse Visibility
Coulters never fall off on the headlands.
-- Plowman's Precept n°1
Your worst looking field will always be next to the paved road used by your banker and most of your neighbours.
-- Macadam's Law
A nut dropped on the ground will roll until it finds a crack to fall into.
Corollary: The more you need the nut, the deeper and narrower the crack will be.
-- Mechanics' Maxims n°2
The tool you need is back at the shop.
-- Mechanics' Maxims n°3
Stones get bigger at night.
-- The Harvester's Homily
If you stop for a beer, after having been in the field since 5 a.m., the first person you see will be: a) your banker b) your minister or c) your mother-in-law. (Note: "Molson's Golden" is a brand of beer in Canada.)
-- The "Golden" Rule
When you can't discover the cause of a breakdown, all of the free advice you get will be for things you've already checked.
-- Kibitzer's Constant
The twitchgrass is always greener on your side of the fence.
-- Tare's Tenets n°2
The field that most needs manure is the one farthest from the barn.
-- The Humus Homily
The number of salesmen that will call on you on any given day will be directly proportional to the amount and urgency of the work you have to get done.
Corollary: None of them will be selling anything you want.
-- Sam Slick's Sophism
Following a summer-long drought, the rainfall received during harvest will be equivalent to twice the accumulated moisture deficit for the entire growing season.
-- Precipitation Precepts n°3
Tires never go flat when the gravity wagon is empty.
-- Dunlop's Dictum
Machinery never breaks down when you don't really need it.
-- Deere's Dictums n°1
The more work you have to get done, the more likely it is to rain.
-- Precipitation Precepts n°1
If both the monitor and the planter are going to breakdown, they will do so simultaneously.
-- Deere's Dictums n°3
Weed escapes increase exponentially once the corn is too big to cultivate.
-- Scuffler's Law
The only person your family pet ever bites will be: a) your banker b) your minister or c) the local animal control officer.
-- Dave's Dogma
The futures market will go up the limit the day after you sell.
-- Brokers' By-Law
If your hired man spreads fertilizer on the wrong field, he will put it on one that already tests "Excessive".
-- The Potash Principle
Mud-holes are deeper than they look.
-- Meyer's Laws