“You know, it's at times like this when I'm trapped in a Vogon
airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in
deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me
when I was young!”
"Why, what did she tell you?"
"I don't know, I didn't listen."
-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
Never try to outstubborn a cat.
-- Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love"
Haste makes waste.
-- John Heywood
... The Anarchists' [national] anthem is an international anthem that
consists of 365 raspberries blown in very quick succession to the tune
of "Camptown Races". Nobody has to stand up for it, nobody has to
listen to it, and, even better, nobody has to play it.
-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
Would ye both eat your cake and have your cake?
-- John Heywood
Who does not trust enough will not be trusted.
-- Lao Tsu
“Please follow me because I have to follow him and he isn't here.”
--- Eugene Ormandy
You can't hold a man down without staying down with him.
-- Booker T. Washington
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the
politicians can go on the air and kid the people.
-- Groucho Marx
When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm bad, I'm even
better.
-- Mae West
“Start beforty-two.”
--- Eugene Ormandy
She often gave herself very good advice (though she very seldom followed it).
-- Lewis Carroll
The law will never make men free; it is men who have got to make the
law free.
-- Henry David Thoreau
If parents would only realize how they bore their children.
-- G.B. Shaw
IF I HAD A MINE SHAFT, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's
got to be a better way.
-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
Maybe Im lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the
wrong direction.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself
-- Thales
WHENEVER ANYBODY SAYS he's struggling to become a human being I have to
laugh because the apes beat him to it by about a million years. Struggle
to become a parrot or something.
-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
“Toreador, don't spit on the floor, use the cuspidor, that's what it's for.”
-- Bart
Your job is being a professor and researcher: That's one hell of a good excuse
for some of the brain-damages of minix.
(Linus Torvalds to Andrew Tanenbaum)
My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit
who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our
frail and feeble mind.
-- Albert Einstein
“Her kisses left something to be desired - the rest of her.” (Anonymous)
The more a man is imbued with the ordered regularity of all events, the firmer
becomes his conviction that there is no room left by the side of this ordered
regularity for causes of a different nature. For him neither the rule of
human nor the rule of divine will exists as an independent cause of natural
events. To be sure, the doctrine of a personal God interfering with natural
events could never be refuted, in the real sense, by science, for this
doctrine can always take refuge in those domains in which scientific knowledge
has not yet been able to set foot.
But I am persuaded that such behavior on the part of the representatives
of religion would not only be unworthy but also fatal. For a doctrine which
is able to maintain itself not in clear light, but only in the dark, will
of necessity lose its effect on mankind, with incalculable harm to human
progress. In their struggle for the ethical good, teachers of religion
must have the stature to give up the doctrine of a personal God, that is,
give up that source of fear and hope which in the past placed such vast
powers in the hands of priests. In their labors they will have to avail
themselves of those forces which are capable of cultivating the Good, the
True, and the Beautiful in humanity itself. This is, to be sure, a more
difficult but an incomparably more worthy task.
- Albert Einstein
“The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history. I mean in this century's history. But we all lived in this century. I didn't live in this century.”
--- Dan Quayle
“If you want to travel around the world and be invited to speak at a lot
of different places, just write a Unix operating system.”
(By Linus Torvalds)
In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit.
J.R.R. Tolkien, opening line of The Hobbit
We're all sorry for the other guy when he loses his job to a machine.
But when it comes to your job -- that's different. And it always will
be different.
-- McCoy, "The Ultimate Computer", stardate 4729.4
If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life,
she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there are men on base.
Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that's the stuff life is
made of.
-- Benjamin Franklin
The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
-- Emerson