I could dance with you till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx
I could dance with you till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather
dance with the cows till you come home.
-- Groucho Marx
The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves
and robbers there will be.
-- Lao Tsu
I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.
-- Groucho Marx
Useful Latin Phrase:
Estne volumen in toga, an solum tibi libet me videre?
Is that a scroll in your toga, or are you just happy to see me?
Best of all he liked to sleep. Sleeping was a very important activity for
him. He liked to sleep for longish periods, great swathes of time. Merely
sleeping overnight was not taking the business seriously. He enjoyed a good
night's sleep and wouldn't miss one for the world, but found it as anything
halfway near enough. He liked to be asleep by half-past eleven in the
morning if possible, and if that should come directly after a nice leisurely
lie-in then so much the better. A little light breakfast and a quick trip to
the bathroom while fresh linen was applied to his bed is really all the
activity he liked to undertake, and he took care that it didn't janate the
sleepiness out of him and disturb his afternoon of napping. Sometimes he was
able to spend an entire week asleep, and this he regarded as a good snooze.
He had also slept through the whole of 1986 and hadn't missed it.
Douglas Adams, The Long, Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians
can go on the air and kid the people.
-- Groucho Marx
I will not bring sheep to class.
-- Bart Simpson - on the blackboard
Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when
you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
-- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
Pope Goestheveezl was the shortest reigning pope in the history of the
Church, reigning for two hours and six minutes on 1 April 1866. The
white smoke had hardly faded into the blue of the Vatican skies before
it dawned on the assembled multitudes in St. Peter's Square that his
name had hilarious possibilities. The crowds fell about, helpless with
laughter, singing
Half a pound of tuppenny rice
Half a pound of treacle
That's the way the chimney smokes
Pope Goestheveezl
The square was finally cleared by armed carabineri with tears of
laughter streaming down their faces. The event set a record for
hilarious civic functions, smashing the previous record set when Baron
Hans Neizant B"ompzidaize was elected Landburgher of K"oln in 1653.
-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
Heaven is under our feet as well as over our heads.
-- Henry David Thoreau
“...and scantily clad females, of course. Who cares if it's below zero
outside”
(By Linus Torvalds)
I do not know where to find in any literature, whether ancient or modern,
any adequate account of that nature with which I am acquainted. Mythology
comes nearest to it of any.
-- Henry David Thoreau
When a lion meets another with a louder roar,
the first lion thinks the last a bore.
-- G.B. Shaw
He who knows, does not speak. He who speaks, does not know.
-- Lao Tsu
Under a government which imprisons any unjustly, the true place for a
just man is also in prison.
-- Henry David Thoreau
Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where,
it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
-- Fran Lebowitz
A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it; it would be hell on
earth.
-- George Bernard Shaw
The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably
not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind.
-- H.L. Mencken
Forgive him, for he believes that the customs of his tribe are the laws
of nature!
-- G.B. Shaw
... if forced to travel on an airplane, try and get in the
cabin with the Captain, so you can keep an eye on him and
nudge him if he falls asleep or point out any mountains
looming up ahead ...
-- Mike Harding, "The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac"
I DON'T THINK I'M ALONE when I say I'd like to see more and more planets
fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.
-- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988.
The White Rabbit put on his spectacles.
"Where shall I begin, please your Majesty ?" he asked.
"Begin at the beginning,", the King said, very gravely, "and go on
till you come to the end: then stop."
-- Lewis Carroll
Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.
“Confound those who have said our remarks before us.”
-- Aelius Donatus
Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt.
“Confound those who have said our remarks before us.”
-- Aelius Donatus
First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity, no really
self-respecting woman would take advantage of it.
-- George Bernard Shaw, "John Bull's Other Island"
Several years ago, some smart businessmen had an idea: Why not build a big
store where a do-it-yourselfer could get everything he needed at reasonable
prices? Then they decided, nah, the hell with that, let's build a home
center. And before long home centers were springing up like crabgrass all
over the United States.
-- Dave Barry, "The Taming of the Screw"
It is imperative when flying coach that you restrain any tendency toward
the vividly imaginative. For although it may momentarily appear to be the
case, it is not at all likely that the cabin is entirely inhabited by
crying babies smoking inexpensive domestic cigars.
-- Fran Lebowitz, "Social Studies"
“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.” (Mae West)
... The prejudices people feel about each other disappear when then get
to know each other.
-- Kirk, "Elaan of Troyius", stardate 4372.5
There is no fool to the old fool.
-- John Heywood